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 Lorben |
Disturbing Roleplaying V: The Joy of Madness |
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Posts: 2373 (02/01/02 08:03:17) |
Thats right, were up to our 5th thread. Five threads with no point, no sanity, and no survivors!
Definition of agony: One armed man hanging from a cliff with a sudden case of jock itch. |
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Drakus |
Re: Disturbing Roleplaying V: The Joy of Madness | ||
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Posts: 1540 (02/01/02 10:51:07) |
Drakus runs around the field like a headless chicken, because well, he has no head. Sephiroth kindly removed it. Eventually, he trips over something, picks it up, and puts it on.
"Ghhhaaaaaah! I grabbed a rock instead!" Drakus says, then realizes that this will help him join the marine corp, and reduce his susceptability to critical hits. "Grunt, grunt, me kill stuff." He says, and goes off to find a recruiter. Then Sephiroth cuts his head (or rock, in this case) off again, and he stumbles around until he finds his original head. Unfortunately, he is now unqualified to join the marines, and the recruiter beats on him for a while before kicking him out ungracefully. Now rather upset, he goes to take out his aggressions on the other loonies. First, he gives Sephiroth an atomic wedgie and tosses him into a lake of vampiric sharks. After this, he tracks down magfrump and turns him into a bottle of whiskey, which he gives to Gnarsh. When Gnarsh becomes drunk, he picks him up, spins him around and throws him into Azyr, who had been coming up to ask for some grey poupon. Much to his detriment, however, Rebecca runs over him with an 18-wheeler. ------ Yes, but what happens when the darkness casts magic misile on you?
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Azyr |
Re: Disturbing Roleplaying V: The Joy of Madness | ||
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Posts: 193 (02/01/02 12:59:22) |
Azyr pushes the drunken Gnarsh off him, and stands up once more, brushing down his robes. "All this violence is mucking up your karma," he warns, still stuck in pacifism mode.
Fortunately, some nameless loony comes along and beats him over the head with a rock, knocking the sense out of him. After all, if there's one place sense don't belong... With that, Azyr gleefully grabs a machine gun and joins the mayhem, peppering the other loonys with bullets. Then he notices the presence of 'Becca, who stands out like a sore thumb in her dungeon mistress outfit, and he peppers her with pepper instead. And a little curry powder. "Now the question you're probably asking yourself is "did he make two wishes or three?" and I have to admit that in the chaos and confusion I kinda lost track myself. But bearing in mind this is a Ring of Wishes, the most powerful artifact in the world, and could blow your head clean off, the question you're really asking yourself is; "Do I feel lucky?" Well? Do ya, punk?'Hari Cal'ahan, Mage Police. |
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magfrump |
Re: Disturbing Roleplaying V: The Joy of Madness | ||
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Posts: 462 (02/01/02 17:54:41) |
cowering at the threat of an administator, mag pleads to Bertis (the aforementioned diety of nerdity and technicality) to save him from the rampaging extremely powerful, uhh... person. Bertis looks at him carefully and says "hmmmm....
no." and mag feels his flesh getting ripped apart. regenarating himself in an ordinary middle school, mag creates an "underground" gambling association, and makes millions of dollars, being safe from harm in anytown USA. OOC: it's just the pompoms... the pompoms drive me crazy... Am I giving away the plot again?
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The Shadow Templar |
Re: Disturbing Roleplaying V: The Joy of Madness | ||
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Posts: 222 (02/01/02 22:07:21) Banned User |
The Pair Of One... The Pair Of One...
Oh yeah, I almost forgot... The Shadow Templar appears suddenly and kills everyone in a grotesque if cliche'd way. It's true...no man is an island. But if you take a bunch of dead guys and tie 'em together, they make a pretty good raft. |
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magfrump |
V? | ||
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Posts: 462 (02/01/02 22:23:39) |
OOC: just one question: where were disturbing roleplaying 1, 2, and 3? I've only seen the looney bin, drp4, and now drp5. what happened to 1/2/3 and if there were 3, wouldn't that make 6 total?
IC: using his innate ability to confuse people (one of his diety's granted powers) mag pretends to be dead, then kills Shadow templar, when he's not looking. He then fades into temporal stasis until his next post, HOPEFULLY this will prevent him from being messed with until he comes back. Gnomes could ruin his plan, but he has cleverly placed a gnome-converter near the mechanism useable to break it and the chamber, converting all gnomes who come near to my religion and my leadership. haha! I'm probably going to be gone for a while, so try not to mess up my stasis too quickly. Am I giving away the plot again?
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The Shadow Templar |
Re: V? | ||
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Posts: 222 (02/01/02 22:47:30) Banned User |
Shadow Templar uses intense mental powers to shatter the stasis cell, and magfrump's dessicated corpse falls to the ground. He then kicks the corpse in the head to make sure it's dead, then sells it to some two-bit necromancer/necrophiliac for quick cash.
It's true...no man is an island. But if you take a bunch of dead guys and tie 'em together, they make a pretty good raft. |
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Drakus |
Re: V? | ||
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Posts: 1540 (02/02/02 04:16:22) |
OOC: Disturbing Roleplaying I,II and III are in the archives.
IC: Seeing that The Shadow Templar is running a corpse business, Drakus begins his own right across the street. Of course, being more well established than Drakus, The Shadow Templar sends a bunch of goons over to beat Drakus up, tie a large rock to his feet, and throw him in the river. ------ Yes, but what happens when the darkness casts magic misile on you?
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Azyr |
Re: V? | ||
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Posts: 193 (02/02/02 04:59:53) |
Azyr, who's taken up residence in the river, decides he doesn't want Drakus, unties the rock, and throws him back. He then goes and beats the hell out of Poseidon and takes over his domains, and decides to flood the surrounding countryside, just for a laugh, and everybody drowns.
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Drakus |
Out of the riverbed, into the floodplain | ||
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Posts: 1540 (02/02/02 08:31:03) |
Drakus is quite happy from being tossed out of the water, when the entire countryside is flooded and he drowns anyway.
"I'm sick and tired of drowning!" Drakus says, and decides to stop. So he sits for about an hour, not drowning. Of course, he's still getting a bit waterlogged from being underwater. To get rid of the flood, Drakus alters reality by separating the oxygen atom from all the water molecules on the planet. Of course, this leaves a good deal of excess hydrogen and oxygen floating around. Both of which, in pure form, are quite flammable. So Drakus pulls out his lighter..... the cosmos is obliterated. ------ Yes, but what happens when the darkness casts magic misile on you?
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Azyr |
Re: Out of the floodplain, into the small nuclear furnace | ||
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Posts: 193 (02/02/02 09:50:39) |
Luckily, before th cosmos can be obliterated, Azyr sets up small (but powerful) fusion reactor to cook his dinner on, which fuses the majority of the hydrogen into helium, and a disster is averted.
At which point, some helpful smart-ass points out that helium, too, is highly flammable, and the cosmos ignites once more... "Now the question you're probably asking yourself is "did he make two wishes or three?" and I have to admit that in the chaos and confusion I kinda lost track myself. But bearing in mind this is a Ring of Wishes, the most powerful artifact in the world, and could blow your head clean off, the question you're really asking yourself is; "Do I feel lucky?" Well? Do ya, punk?'Hari Cal'ahan, Mage Police. |
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Rebecca |
Re: Out of the floodplain, into the small nuclear furnace | ||
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Posts: 4130 (02/02/02 10:45:38) Dungeon Mistress |
Rebecca pulls out her bag of marshmallows and begins to roast them over the flaming cosmos. "Oooh, pretty!" she says to herself.
Suddenly, she notices Drakus beside her, soaked to the bone from all that drowning, warming his hands by the fire. Pulling on her +10 Boots of @$$kicking, she gives Drakus the "boot" right into the flames. "Well, you wanted a change from drowning!!!" she yells while cackling insanely. Without warning, Azyr comes out of nowhere with Graham Crackers and a bar of chocolate. "S'mores?" he asks. "Don't mind if I do!" Rebecca grabs the goods and then throws Azyr into the fire as well. Sitting back down, Rebecca continues her marshmallow roast while assembling the s'mores all the while mumbling, "There is only room for *one* looney in these cosmos....or what's left of them..... Oooh, pretty!" -----------
Guffaw-- A loud or boisterous burst of laughter. |
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magfrump |
Re: Out of the floodplain, into the small nuclear furnace | ||
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Posts: 462 (02/02/02 13:02:30) |
"too bad you aren't the looney." mag says as he steps in from, uh, somewhere.
a little bit of a time explaining what happened to the necrophiliac, but worth it... mag then kicks rebecca into the flames and laughs at the fact that since the Shadow Templar wouldn't of been able to break through the stasis pod, he shouldn't be here. He then remembers his debt to the deity of technicalities. NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! and the world is silent. Am I giving away the plot again?
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Sephiroth Yagyu |
Out of the destruction, into the smackdown! Part Deux! | ||
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Posts: 1413 (02/02/02 18:29:12) Psychotic Scot |
Sephiroth appears, using his patented Multi-Form Technique (Patent Pending), and the multiple Seph's Slash simultaneously, killing everyone except magfrump, who he straps to a rocket and shoots into the sun. Magfrump dies a horrible toasty sun warmed death. Then Sephiroth drinks a Coca-Cola.
...And so the Paladins were robbed of their money, pants, and dignity, proving once again that good is dumb. |
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SothThe69th |
Re: Out of the destruction, into the smackdown! Part Deux! | ||
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Posts: 2172 (02/02/02 22:28:09) |
Soth dodges Sephiroths technique superlatively. He then hits the true Seph with his 8,000 page dictionary.
--- "Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." - Kristian Wilson, Nintendo VP, 1989 Soth69 Winner of the coveted 2000 & 2001 Sig Awards |
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Rebecca |
Re: Out of the destruction, into the smackdown! Part Deux! | ||
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Posts: 4130 (02/02/02 23:55:22) Dungeon Mistress |
Soth, who seems to be studying for an english test in school by using his vocabulary words properly in a sentence, is suddenly hit from behind by a flying copy of "Wuthering Heights".
"Save your studying for school!" Rebecca yells as she rises from the flames like a phoenix. She suddenly realizes that now she can breathe fire! Looking around, she sees the other looneys hacking away at each other, all except Lorben. Looking on with an insane light in his eyes, Lorben tries as hard as he can to stay unnoticed in the fray. However, Rebecca's keen eyes spot him in the darkness and breathes her fiery breath in his general direction. Lorben's clothes ignite as if he's doused with gasoline while he screams like a girl flailing about wildly. "Lorben's on fire! Lorben's on fire!" Rebecca screams and points, laughing madly at her double entendre. "Damn, woman!" yells Azyr. "Get a breath mint!" -----------
Guffaw-- A loud or boisterous burst of laughter. |
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The Shadow Templar |
Re: Out of the destruction, into the smackdown! Part Deux! | ||
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Posts: 222 (02/03/02 00:53:18) Banned User |
Shadow inflicts everyone with 13 doses of shadow essence, making all their Str scored at -30. He then repeadedly stabs the motionless piles of flesh and eats some.
Then has a minotaur pay him a copper to tell him where a harem of female humans with no resistance are. It's true...no man is an island. But if you take a bunch of dead guys and tie 'em together, they make a pretty good raft. |
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Azyr |
You've been Sminted... | ||
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Posts: 193 (02/03/02 03:19:47) |
Azyr pats his pockets absent-mindedly. "I knew I had some somewhere," he tells 'Becca, then his face brightens. "ah, here they are..." With that he pulls a Tic-Tac +12 from his pocket and sends it spinning towards the dungeon mistress. And she is smited with minty goodness. "Two hours of freshness in just two calories!" Azyr points out, laughing ghoulishly.
He then realises he seems to have inherited Soth's dictionary of useless adjectives, and chops his own head off, dexterously. |
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Drakus |
Ain't life a birch? | ||
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Posts: 1540 (02/03/02 06:09:16) |
Find that he has an equivalent strength of -30, Drakus decides that it is time to get clever. Grabbing his character sheet, he puts two lines around his score as such:
| -30 | As anyone skilled in mathematics knows, this means absolute value... so Drakus now has a strength of 30. With this newfound power, he picks up the katana-wielding Sephiroth and tosses him into Rebecca's fire-spewing mouth. At which point he goes back to warm himself by the burning cosmos, which seems to be more like a campfire now. ------ Yes, but what happens when the darkness casts magic misile on you?
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Lorben |
Boom | ||
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Posts: 2373 (02/03/02 09:00:02) |
Lorben, who had been hiding in the backround for quite some time now (although on fire) steps out into the fray once again.
"Dammit Becca, I was having a nice cup of coffee over here, and now you burnt it! I can't drink burnt coffee! Coffee addict rule #3, "Don't drink crappy coffee."! Lorben picks up a snowball off the (for some reason) snowy ground and hits Becca in the back of the head with it. And the snowball explodes, and Becca explodes, and the other loonies explode, and the world explodes, and the universe explodes and there is nothing left but silence.... ....until the silence explodes. Definition of agony: One armed man hanging from a cliff with a sudden case of jock itch. |
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Gnarsh |
Re: Boom | ||
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Posts: 1428 (02/03/02 17:25:55) |
Gnarsh, who is immune to shadow essence, replaces Lorben's cup of coffee with decaf, and he explodes from lack of caffeine. again.
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"I've gotta call home, but I don't have any cash." "Hey! Just dial 1-800-c-a-l-l-a-t-t before your call! It's free for you, and cheap for them!" "HA! You fell for my trap! DIE!" *SLICE* "AHHHH!!!! MY ARM!" "Consider it a public service." |
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