Okay the Dm-bashing string was so fun I decided we need a player-bashing string.
Rule 1: Complain
Complain about everything. Complain about the party, complain about the adventure, how boring/hard the plot is, how tough/weak the monsters are, how cheap/monty the treasure is. Complain about the fact that basic/expert/first ed/2nd ed/3.0/3.5 rules are better.
Complain about the books, the dice, the art, and the sharpness of your pencil. Complain about how expensive miniatures are and then complain that your host doesn't have a mini "good enough" to represent your uber loser character.
Complain until you get what you want (assuming you know what that is) and then complain about how easy it was to get it. If complaining doesn't work, whine. If whining doesn't work, moan. If moaning doesn't work, kvetch!
Rule 2: Never buy the books
Why should you bother to buy rulebooks when you're probably going to get kicked out of the group by session 2, assuming you adhere to Rule 1? Besides you can always "borrow" the player's handbook from someone in the group.
Rule 2.5: Never learn the rules
You are the all-powerful Player, rules are beneath you. Isn't that the DM's job, to take care of all rules-related issues within the game? If that tactic doesn't pay off, return to Rule 1.
Rule 3: Manners are for losers
Show up late and insist that everyone stop what they are doing and give you a recap. Talk over the dm about OOC stuff. Never pay attention. Talk over other people whenever they are trying to do something that doesn't relate directly to you. If at all possible, paw other peoples' books, dice and figures with your food-encrusted digits. When your inattentiveness to the status quo backfires, return to Rule 1.
Rule 4: Challenge everything
Argue with everything the DM says. Challenge him on every level possible. Demand that he reiterate his actions each round and try to microcompartmentalize the actions of every creature on the table. Use this data to retroactively change the actions of your character. Rules-lawyer everything he does into the tarmac, but never forget Rule 2!!!!
Note: this in no way contradicts Rule 2.5, as double standards are a required part of being a God-Awful player.
Rule 5: Dominate the other players
Never let the other players think they have any control over the game. Remember: it's always all about YOU. Disagree with every party member's actions every round and suggest that they do something different. If you can't think of anything different for them to do, then try to take credit for thinking of it. If the unruly player sees through this, just roll your eyes and sneer, "Yeah... riiiight!"
Rule 1: Complain
Complain about everything. Complain about the party, complain about the adventure, how boring/hard the plot is, how tough/weak the monsters are, how cheap/monty the treasure is. Complain about the fact that basic/expert/first ed/2nd ed/3.0/3.5 rules are better.
Complain about the books, the dice, the art, and the sharpness of your pencil. Complain about how expensive miniatures are and then complain that your host doesn't have a mini "good enough" to represent your uber loser character.
Complain until you get what you want (assuming you know what that is) and then complain about how easy it was to get it. If complaining doesn't work, whine. If whining doesn't work, moan. If moaning doesn't work, kvetch!
Rule 2: Never buy the books
Why should you bother to buy rulebooks when you're probably going to get kicked out of the group by session 2, assuming you adhere to Rule 1? Besides you can always "borrow" the player's handbook from someone in the group.
Rule 2.5: Never learn the rules
You are the all-powerful Player, rules are beneath you. Isn't that the DM's job, to take care of all rules-related issues within the game? If that tactic doesn't pay off, return to Rule 1.
Rule 3: Manners are for losers
Show up late and insist that everyone stop what they are doing and give you a recap. Talk over the dm about OOC stuff. Never pay attention. Talk over other people whenever they are trying to do something that doesn't relate directly to you. If at all possible, paw other peoples' books, dice and figures with your food-encrusted digits. When your inattentiveness to the status quo backfires, return to Rule 1.
Rule 4: Challenge everything
Argue with everything the DM says. Challenge him on every level possible. Demand that he reiterate his actions each round and try to microcompartmentalize the actions of every creature on the table. Use this data to retroactively change the actions of your character. Rules-lawyer everything he does into the tarmac, but never forget Rule 2!!!!
Note: this in no way contradicts Rule 2.5, as double standards are a required part of being a God-Awful player.
Rule 5: Dominate the other players
Never let the other players think they have any control over the game. Remember: it's always all about YOU. Disagree with every party member's actions every round and suggest that they do something different. If you can't think of anything different for them to do, then try to take credit for thinking of it. If the unruly player sees through this, just roll your eyes and sneer, "Yeah... riiiight!"
In my Humble Opinion, which is capitalized and therefor superior to your humble opinion. So there.
